i had a talk with a couple of my recruits last week and got some pretty insightful comments from them.... one thought i was an underwear model.... hahaha.... but the worse was yet to come... i was stunned to find out that a lot of them thought i was *gulp* gay when they first saw me..... they told me that i had a cute face which many gays would find attractive.... wth.... now i know why.... this is very depressing news indeed....

went out with one of my colleague last night and we met up with a couple of my recruits, including those who thought i was gay.... we played pool and was actually planning to go clubbing, yes you heard me right, but one of the guys came down in slippers.... haha... so we settled for a small pub instead.... yea, i know most of you muz be thinking, riz going clubbing or pubbing? it juz isn't me right? haha... i guess i muz have been influenced by my army mates and not forgetting these new batch of recruits.... haha.... but don worry, i'm still the same old me.... with juz a few modifications here and there... heh, i'm talking as if i'm some kind of machine or something....


my colleague on the extreme left, and my recruits





my recruits, the guy on the left was the first to say that i had that "gay" face





my heart has juz stabbed again, this time deeper with a very blunt dagger.... well, i feel really stupid now... i'm juz a pathetic fool.... a pile of mess.... crestfallen i may be, but at least i'm glad that i know the truth now.... and i'm happy for the person.... i'm comtemplating juz letting the truth out, not because i think i still have a chance, but juz because i want to clear my heart of this heartache that has plagued me for so long.... i juz hope i'll have that chance to let it out....


Riz lost himself at 5/28/2006 07:11:00 pm

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well, zin and val said i've been using too many damns... so for today's post, let me try to limit it to juz a few... hear that the both of you?! heh.... i had my first ever field camp with my recruits the past week... it was fun, although the weather was freaking hot.... add the weather to this pes c batch and you get a potent mixture... a lot of them couldn't take it and fell out.... quite a number of them were even sent to the medical centre due to the seriousness of their situation.... it was damn tiring i tell ya... we did really stupid things when there was a break in training.... we climbed coconut trees for the coconuts.... it tasted great... we also went to catch crabs when the tide was low.... haha... yea, our camp site was next to the sea.... we played with fire and the thunder flash, which is a very small type of explosive.... now i know why guys behave the way they do after the army... haha...


my first batch of recruits!


that's me doing a demonstration to the recruits.


me with my favourite officer.... not!!


caught by surprise




i love these next 2 pics... its beautiful... for the 2nd one, the plane came at the right timing and i caught it on camera..








one of my recruit's dad juz passed away.... its really sad... it reminded me of my granduncle again.... sigh....

i'm feeling very very confused now.... i'm really at a loss.... i knew the risks involved but i juz felt that i had to take it.... i really gave a lot of thought into it... been thinking bout it for a few months.... the only thing that was holding me back was the fear of losing what we have now.... but now, its at a standstill... after i heard that "news", it really felt as if someone stabbed my heart with a knife... and if that wasn't enough, the knife was twisted.... i guess its juz my fault... i knew that it was out of my league but i still wanted to try.... and now i feel as if my fear is coming true.... the fear of losing what we have.... i probably need to clear things up and tell the truth.... the truth will probably hurt, but i juz need that confirmation.... thats juz me.... i need a confirmation before i stop.... before i stop destroying whatever that is left of what we have....


Riz lost himself at 5/21/2006 06:48:00 pm

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had been thinking bout buying a digicam for the past months.... and i finally did it.... on fri morning, straight after i booked out from camp, i went directly to mustafa centre.... was actually thinking of getting the sony cybershot t30, but the price was a bit too steep for me... heh.... thats putting it mildly.... then i decided to settle on my second choice, the casio exilim s600.... damn it, it looks good! haha... i'm in love with it.... the thing that i love most bout it is that its so damn slim.... and the photos are also pretty good... haha... i sound so obsessed...

then in the afternoon, i met up with zin baby for lunch at marina square.... damn, she looks gorgeous as usual.... its been a freaking long time since i've seen her, and i'll have to agree with val that she has turned into such a pretty young lady.... well, after all, she's a burmese princess.... heh... don kill me... but zin, don let this get to your head ah.... i'm praising you now, but that doesn't mean you can praise yourself.... i took this opportunity to test out my camera.... she's my first model.... lol.... and oh yea, congrats to zin for getting a job! and don worry, u'll still look good in that outfit... u always do.... damn it, that's one thing which i hate bout u.... u look good in almost anything.... heh.... and remember the "challenge".... haha....



the gorgeous princess








yesterday, i met up with akil.... its been a month since i've met him.. all thanks to our ns committments... yea, bought some army stuff... we then went to bugis junction cause i was looking for a pair of black shoes for some classified thingy....
damn it, been spending quite a lot these few days.... but never mind, its all worth it.. haha... then at night, we met up with the rest of the gang at akil's place to catch the FA cup final match between liverpool and west ham.... it was cool to finally be able to meet them again after not meeting them for awhile.... oh yea, liverpool won on penalties.... shucks... oh wells, thats all for now.... cheers peeps!




chee chow and the commando, dave



the cool akil looking stunned... haha....


Riz lost himself at 5/14/2006 03:41:00 pm

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my granduncle whom i was quite close to juz passed away..... can't believe this is happening now.... why...


Riz lost himself at 5/02/2006 05:09:00 pm

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finally, i'm back and able to rest... i've been given a day off for tmr and will be booking back in tmr night... its been a very very crazy and busy past 2 weeks.... the recruits have been giving us a lot of trouble.... i thought that it would a relaxing batch since they're all pes c recruits meaning that they have certain problems which does not allow them to participate in normal bmt training... boy, was i wrong! there have been a record number of recruits reporting sick according to the medical centre and not to mention the number of recruits being sent out to changi general hospital for treatment as their condition was considered serious... instructors were running all around trying to get things right.... and i thought that was all.... the "problems" that some of them had were not of the physical kind.... some had problems of the mental kind also.... arghh... these are the worse to handle... there are also those who have "sexual orientation problems".... but i have to be professional bout it.... there was this one recruit who actually ran off while i brought them for lunch and i had to search for him.... i was in a state of panic at that point of time.... bloody bugger... thank goodness he was found.... apparently, he wanted to see the medical officer and was afraid that we wouldn't let him.... but having said all that, it has not been all gloom and doom.... there are also recruits who are fun to teach to and who would make you laugh at their stupid jokes and antics.... well, today is labour day and its SUPPOSED to be a holiday, but where was i? i was stuck in camp as usual.... THE ARMY.....

my dad had an accident on fri night with his bike.... apparently he tripped over a piece of wood and fell.... and luckily, the bus which was behind him stopped in time.... if not, i honestly don't know what would have happened.... he had skin torn off from parts of his feet and knees.... but whatever it is, i'm juz glad that he's ok.... he's going off to korea again next week.... and after that he'll be going off to germany for the world cup.... how cool is that... i still remember the time when he brought me to the world cup in korea a few years back.... it was like a dream come true for me.... it was a great experience even though we only watched one match....

these days, i've been thinking alot bout all my friends, especially those who used to be close to me and those who are still close to me but whom i haven't met face to face in a bloody long time.... looking at their photos online juz isn't enough... i juz feel like asking them out one by one and see them in person, see how they've changed, how they look now and basically juz to catch up with them.... but the prob is, i don know how to go about doing it.... haha... i'm a weird one... firstly, i'm not the organising type, i juz follow people around when they organise outings.... heh.... secondly, the limited free time that i have.... thirdly, i'm afraid that some people might find it weird that i'm suddenly asking them out of nowhere for no apparent reason... haha.... i'm really a weird one i guess =) oh well, we'll see how it goes.. cheers!


Riz lost himself at 5/01/2006 11:59:00 pm

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